A Smile Is Everything
It is day 14 of my cycle and still no smiley face on my ovulation stick. I usually have the surge around day 13. I am feeling scared and anxious, and I don't know if it's just my irrational fears taking over, or if there is something really wrong with me.
My period came exactly 4 weeks to the day of my miscarriage and it was a very healthy period lasting five days. I had NO PMS symptoms leading up to it, which has never happened, Now I am on day 14 and I don't have the LH surge, but my mucus has changed from yellowish thick to a whitish, cloudy more stretchy kind. I keep reading that the first cycle after a miscarriage is usually not a normal one because the hormones have changed. So what does this mean for me?
It took me a year to get pregnant and this miscarriage was SUCH A HUGE LOSS for us-- so now I just want it to be a little easier and it's not. I want to know what's going on with my body. When I had my period my HCG was at 9. Is this affecting my LH surge?
I'm going to make an appointment with my OB for tomorrow and have him do an ultra sound to see if there's a follicle and test my hormone levels. I just can't wait another cycle to "see what will happen". I unfortunately, do not have that luxury of taking my time-- as history has shown me that it isn't easy for my to conceive, and who knows when that will happen again for us. Imagine something actually going our way? It's hard to imagine, although I fantasize about it everyday.
I so wish life could be easy for just a little while. I feel so much pressure (which I have put on myself) to just get there already. I feel that with every month that goes by -- I am wasting time. I feel unproductive and I hate not knowing what's to come...
For now all I ask is for my regular cycle to return and for that beautiful, cheerful, adorable smiley face to appear on my ovulation stick. That smiley is a symbol of hope and wonderful things to come. And right now, I really need it.
My period came exactly 4 weeks to the day of my miscarriage and it was a very healthy period lasting five days. I had NO PMS symptoms leading up to it, which has never happened, Now I am on day 14 and I don't have the LH surge, but my mucus has changed from yellowish thick to a whitish, cloudy more stretchy kind. I keep reading that the first cycle after a miscarriage is usually not a normal one because the hormones have changed. So what does this mean for me?
It took me a year to get pregnant and this miscarriage was SUCH A HUGE LOSS for us-- so now I just want it to be a little easier and it's not. I want to know what's going on with my body. When I had my period my HCG was at 9. Is this affecting my LH surge?
I'm going to make an appointment with my OB for tomorrow and have him do an ultra sound to see if there's a follicle and test my hormone levels. I just can't wait another cycle to "see what will happen". I unfortunately, do not have that luxury of taking my time-- as history has shown me that it isn't easy for my to conceive, and who knows when that will happen again for us. Imagine something actually going our way? It's hard to imagine, although I fantasize about it everyday.
I so wish life could be easy for just a little while. I feel so much pressure (which I have put on myself) to just get there already. I feel that with every month that goes by -- I am wasting time. I feel unproductive and I hate not knowing what's to come...
For now all I ask is for my regular cycle to return and for that beautiful, cheerful, adorable smiley face to appear on my ovulation stick. That smiley is a symbol of hope and wonderful things to come. And right now, I really need it.
posted by Here I am @ 7:06 AM
3 Comments:
At 11:18 AM ,
Anns said...
Hi Honey - Just wanted to tell you not to lose hope. After my first m/c my ovulation sticks never smiled until around CD-23 or so, so hang in there, it'll be positive soon enough. Good luck this month - I'm rootin' for ya. Anns xo
At 4:09 PM ,
Christy said...
I'm so sorry that you are going through this right now. I am beginning to understand your frustration, as I am right at the beginning of miscarriage aftermath. Everything you are feeling and expressing seems very normal to me, as I am finding myself relating. My doctor likes to tell me that worry won't help anything. And yes, I do feel like slapping him when he says that! The only advice I can give is for you to go easy on yourself. Try to look at this as though it is a break for you. Pick a date a month or two down the line and wait until then to make any more great efforts. I took a doctor mandated break from November until February, and it was the best thing I could have done. I felt like I had permission not to worry and obsess. It was wonderful. Think aboout it.
At 7:20 AM ,
Christy said...
Just one more thing . . . I was doing some reading yesterday about cycles after miscarriage. It said that the cycles will be unlike anything you have had before and it is not uncommon not to get an LH surge until day 22 or 23. So hang in there! I truly hate that we have to go through this!
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