Odd One Out

This weekend we celebrated both my sister's and dad's birthday. Of course my brother and his wife chose a restaurant that was so kid-friendly, we may as well have set up a table at the maternity ward of the local hospital.

The painful psychological remnants of my recent miscarriage were in full swing and I felt so alone, sad, and angry. I so want to be like these women. Holding my baby, being called "mommy"-- I watched my brother with his kids and I felt such a lump in my stomach.

I was so blatantly reminded of what I didn't have.

But I sucked it up and put on my smile for dad and sis.

Anyway this Sunday will be a double dose of that-- when I will once again be the only non-mother in the room when we celebrate Mother's day (mom's bday that day too!) with my mom and then with Dave's mom. All the siblings will be there with their kids and I will once again be the odd one out. This is the first time I will see all the kids since the miscarriage so it's pretty hard right now... I came so close to being on the road to motherhood this year. So unfair.

Last night marked the 4 week anniversary since that horrible night. And still no aunt flo, and no symptoms. I pray it comes this month so I can feel as if my life is somewhat moving forward, and we can start trying again...

Looking forward to therapy tonight. I'm feeling pretty down right now.