Empowered

So this Sunday will be 4 weeks since that horrible night when I expelled the pregnancy. That means sometime between this Sunday and 2 weeks from Sunday good old Auntie Flo should appear and I can resume my cycles and make us this baby. So the countdown officially begins on Sunday. Right now though I have no PMS symptoms, and I ALWAYS have painful boobs before flo. So just waiting.... I hate waiting... Last Thursday my HCG had dropped to 48 (in the course of 3 weeks it went from 30,000 to 2,000 to 48). So I suspect my HCG won't be zero until maybe next week, which means I'll probably see Flo around May 15th-- PLEASE.

Anyway-- I did 2 things today to help me feel empowered.

1. I made an appointment with Dr. Raymond Cheng who heads up the acupuncture center I go to (2x a week!) to talk about diet and whether I should start taking herbs. I had been doing acupuncture for 2 cycles when I got pregnant without herbs, but I thought it if would help speed things up and if they're not harmful- then why not? So that made me feel good-- I find that during this whole struggle with trying to conceive any amount of control I can have over all of this helps. So I will do whatever it takes-- naturally--- to get pregnant.

2. I signed up for an orientation to volunteer next week. I'm thinking either feeding the hungry, planting a garden in the city, working with kids or the elderly. I'm pretty open. I have learned- especially this past year and 4 months of trying to conceive, getting pregnant, miscarriage, doing treatments and IUIs, that giving to people, helping people, makes me feel so relaxed. When you help others, you forget about your own problems and it really takes away the stress- even for a short time. It just feels so good. So I may be helping these people out-- but in reality-- they are helping ME.

Anyhoo, I felt empowered today. I felt hopeful and productive. And any positive feeling I have right now is worth writing about and remembering-- because these days it's been a rarity.