Where Do the Friends Go?
I feel like my local friends are slowly fading one by one... Is it that you see the true colors of people during hard times, or do they suddenly become insensitive and mean?
I certainly don't expect anyone to know what this feels like. But from people that I consider close in my life, I do expect a level of sensitivity, warmth, kindness. I mean, isn't that the beauty of having good friends?
When Aron, my boyfriend at the time, died 12 years ago, it was the same. It was the hardest time in my life and the people that I considered my close friends let me down. They didn't call me, they weren't there for me. And slowly I had to let some go.
I don't regret it, because it shouldn't have been that way.
I am there for my friends when they need me.
I would never flaunt a special day I had with my four year old daughter to my close friend two weeks after she had a miscarriage. If my close friend was upset about something, I would never say to her, "Oh is this about your miscarriage and baby stuff?" - in a cold, mean spirited way-- as if a miscarriage is like breaking a heel or something.
Where is the stuff friendships are supposed to be about?
I feel like a stranger in my world right now.
No one should ever have to go through the struggle of trying to conceive and no one should ever have to go through the pain of a miscarriage and again-- I don't expect anyone to understand me right now. But I have to say, I just wish there was someone here, other than Dave that I could meet for dinner, and just talk freely without feeling awkward or judged. There is Annette, but she works all the time. I am meeting Skye next week who is the fiance of Dave's old roommate, but we don't really know each other yet.
I'm talking about that kind of friend you can talk about anything with, for hours, and cry and laugh, and everything in between. I miss my girls....Unfortunately those friends live out of town. At least there's the phone and I'll see two of them this weekend.
Anyway, it just felt good to vent.... Thank you blog.
I certainly don't expect anyone to know what this feels like. But from people that I consider close in my life, I do expect a level of sensitivity, warmth, kindness. I mean, isn't that the beauty of having good friends?
When Aron, my boyfriend at the time, died 12 years ago, it was the same. It was the hardest time in my life and the people that I considered my close friends let me down. They didn't call me, they weren't there for me. And slowly I had to let some go.
I don't regret it, because it shouldn't have been that way.
I am there for my friends when they need me.
I would never flaunt a special day I had with my four year old daughter to my close friend two weeks after she had a miscarriage. If my close friend was upset about something, I would never say to her, "Oh is this about your miscarriage and baby stuff?" - in a cold, mean spirited way-- as if a miscarriage is like breaking a heel or something.
Where is the stuff friendships are supposed to be about?
I feel like a stranger in my world right now.
No one should ever have to go through the struggle of trying to conceive and no one should ever have to go through the pain of a miscarriage and again-- I don't expect anyone to understand me right now. But I have to say, I just wish there was someone here, other than Dave that I could meet for dinner, and just talk freely without feeling awkward or judged. There is Annette, but she works all the time. I am meeting Skye next week who is the fiance of Dave's old roommate, but we don't really know each other yet.
I'm talking about that kind of friend you can talk about anything with, for hours, and cry and laugh, and everything in between. I miss my girls....Unfortunately those friends live out of town. At least there's the phone and I'll see two of them this weekend.
Anyway, it just felt good to vent.... Thank you blog.
posted by Here I am @ 4:19 PM
4 Comments:
At 10:25 AM ,
Christy said...
I think that much of the insensitivity that we feel from others comes from the fact that they really don't know how to relate in matters of infertility and miscarriage. I try to remember that in my dealings, though sometimes it does hurt. And I can totally relate about missing close girlfriends! We moved from Southern California to Arizona 2 years ago, leaving behind tons of close friends. I miss them terribly, though I will get to see several next week. My heart does go out to you in your quest for understanding friendship.
At 10:23 AM ,
Anonymous said...
Thank you for your sweet words! I have been trying for (now) 16 months and it is getting very hard not to give up. The only thing left to do now is the clomid. I really can't afford any of the pricer procedures that I haven't already done. DH is against IUI and IVF anyway so..
I'm sorry your friends are not being more supportive for you. Just remember we are here anytime you want to talk or vent. And we can understand what you are going through!
At 2:18 PM ,
Anns said...
I hear ya girl.
Hang in there.
Anns xo
At 9:01 AM ,
Anonymous said...
Well said.
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