Annoyed At My Current Life

I hate that I get annoyed with family functions these days. I hate that my current life situation has put me in a position where I am sad on Mother's Day, Father's Day, baby announcements, kids' birthdays, etc.

I so want to be happy for everyone and enjoy these happy occassions. But I have to really fight these inner battles I have. I try so hard to step outside of my own life and celebrate Mother's Day and the nieces and nephews birthdays and whatever other family functions come along. But there are too many moments of weakness and I break down and get angry and annoyed and I hate to say it-- jealous --- of everyone that gets to have what I want so bad; a child.

This Sunday is Father's Day and it's also the first time since the miscarriage that we will be able to try again. I want to stay grounded, relaxed, and positive; I need to hold on to the inner peace I have been holding on to this week. But just now my mother annoyed me by asking me what she should get my brother for Father's Day. First of all, why is she getting my brother a father's day gift?-- He's not her father. But regardless it annoyed me because my younger brother gets to be a father while we sit and wait, and stuggle, and wait, and struggle, and wait some more.

Luckily, I will not be attending my family's Father's Day celebration this weekend because I told them I couldn't and we will be seeing them the following weekend. The truth is, we probably could have- but we are having lunch with David's family that same day, and then I just want to go home and relax.

I don't want to spend the day with both families, I don't want to see my sister-in-law's sister's new baby, I don't want to feel like the freak in the room that doesn't have the baby (who also happens to be the oldest of the siblings too).

I want to keep myself in my peaceful, relaxed world and not let those voices/thoughts in. Clarity, Peace, Serenity.... (Have you heard Fergie's new song?)

My therapist tells me it is completely normal to feel this way, given my sitation.

BUT I HATE MY SITUATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My inner voice is now taking over:
Breathe in, breathe out. Let it go. You have a beautfiul weekend to look forward to with your husband, do whatever feels right for you. You don't have to answer to anyone. Everyone puts their own lives first, so you do the same. This is only a temporary situation. You will be a mother. That's right.