Stuff

It must be hard being a single parent. David is in Florida for work and I have been taking care of Maya on my own for the past two days. I am doing much better than I thought although I am more tired (if that's even possible). I am devoted to her 24 hours, just me. In a way I kind of love it actually- she needs me and I am here for her. I feel thankful that I can be. So when I think like this I stop my brain from complaining about the lack of sleep, and the fact that David gets to have three uninterrupted glorious nights of sleep, in addition to going to the bathroom freely, not having to eat with one hand, etc. BUT- He is after all missing out on four days of her life and I feel lucky that I am not.

On another topic....

I went to my first new mommy class with Maya last week and it was a room full of moms and babies under a year old. The topic was babies and learning. I don't remember much about the lecture, but I did love meeting some new moms and going to lunch with them afterwards. They were really easy to talk with- and we talked about everything, from sex to tummy time. It felt great to have some other new moms to talk to, especially since as I mentioned, I have felt lonely. So this was definitely a step in the right direction for me.

In one hour and six minutes Maya will be 12 weeks old. 12 weeks. I gave birth 12 weeks ago. I don't want the time to move but at the same time i can't wait to see Maya growing and changing. She is already rolling to her side and pushing herself to roll over all the way. She is extremely alert and loves it when I carry her around in the streets of Manhattan. Today she made me follow a pigeon because she was so excited and fascinated by him. It is really too cute! She has a full head of black hair and everywhere I go I am stopped about her "gorgeous hairdo!". Maya is also so friendly and smiles at everyone; she is so expressive and happy. I just love her to pieces. She is SO loved.

On another note, I had some very light spotting on Saturday and Sunday. I am breastfeeding exclusively so I don' expect a period for a while. I went to the Dr. and everything looked fine, he said it's normal to spot once in a while especially when breastfeeding and told me there is no set rule about when the period will come. I just feel like my body is so different now. Physically I am on a mission to lose 20 pounds. But even more than that, it is weird not knowing when I'm ovulating, when my period will come, etc. I loved being in tune with my body and now I don't recognize it at all. I admit I am anxious to get my period because I want to know that my body is back and working properly. I want to know that I will ovulate again. Why? Because yes, in the back of my mind I think about number two and that fear of what if it doesn't happen? What if there's another miscarriage? That year and half of pain has left many scars I tell ya. I tell myself, it's early yet to be worrying. Let's give it a little more time to get back to myself.

So that's about it for now. On Thursday we head to Cape Cod. We were there the same week last year. How life has changed in a year. That's the thing about life; you never know what's around the corner.

Here's my Maya!