Thank You Maya

I celebrated my first Mother's Day this year.

It is amazing how life can change in just one year. It was one year ago that I was picking up the pieces after a recent miscarriage. I remember asking Dave back then, would I be celebrating Mother's Day next year? And he replied with certainty, yes I would be. I had so wanted to believe him, but deep down I couldn't imagine it.

And here I am now, one year later - I am a mother.

It feels so natural to be a mother that I don't feel any different. I feel like I have known Maya my entire life, and when I hold her I am so comfortable and relaxed. It is like I have always been doing this and it's hard to remember life before now.

What I am a bit sad about is that time is moving. As much as I love watching her grow and develop, I don't like the fact that the experience of giving birth is moving farther and farther away. I always want it to feel like it just happened. I know it must sound strange. For me giving birth is the thing that I still can't believe I accomplished. It's like being a mother feels very natural but the experience of being pregnant and giving birth to Maya is what I still can't wrap my brain around. Weird, huh?

Anyway these are just some thoughts I've been having lately...

I am so grateful that I am in this place now and I take nothing for granted. It was a long, and very bumpy road to get here and I feel so lucky.

Maya is growing and developing such a cute personality- she will look at your face and it's like she just wants to talk to you. She is so funny and alert and I can watch her for hours. Sometimes during our 3am feedings she'll fall asleep in my arms afterwards and I will hold her for another hour just so that I can stare at her face, her perfect red heart- shaped lips and her black lashes, and her baby smell. It all just melts my heart.

Thank you Maya for coming into my life, for making me a mother, for making me your mother.