I Am Thankful

Tomorrow, November 22, 2007, Thanksgiving Day would have been my due date for my first pregnancy.

It is hard to articulate how I feel. There are so many emotions running through me-- I am so sad, still about my miscarriage, as it wasn't even that long ago- seven months ago. We heard the heartbeat one week and then nothing the following week. There was a life there, and I don't know what to do with that, it's almost to much to handle. It is unfair and painful and I wish so much that we never lost that pregnancy. But somehow we get through it. We persevere. We healed as much as we could, and we tried again. What other choice did we have?

And here I am. At this moment. Seven months later.

I am pregnant again. I am 20 weeks pregnant. I am so thankful.

The movements of this life inside of me have become more pronounced. I feel our "little" kicking and moving more and more. Sometimes I get teary eyed when I feel it, because it's just too much-- too good, there is nothing better. I am so thankful.

We heard the heartbeat last night at my bi-monthly doctor appointment and it was perfect. I am so thankful.

I have intense ligament pain, and it hurts to sit, walk, put socks, shoes, and pants on. I am so thankful.

My nipples are dark and itchy and cracking. The doctor said it's common in pregnancy and told me to put lotion on them. I am so thankful.

I have indigestion, gas, and horrible allergies. I am so thankful.

I want to feel this all. I have waited too long. And I am thankful for everything my body is going through because it means that there is a life inside of me growing, moving, living, breathing-- and for this, I am so eternally thankful.

Please G-d keep our little healthy, safe and growing strong.