Stuff

It must be hard being a single parent. David is in Florida for work and I have been taking care of Maya on my own for the past two days. I am doing much better than I thought although I am more tired (if that's even possible). I am devoted to her 24 hours, just me. In a way I kind of love it actually- she needs me and I am here for her. I feel thankful that I can be. So when I think like this I stop my brain from complaining about the lack of sleep, and the fact that David gets to have three uninterrupted glorious nights of sleep, in addition to going to the bathroom freely, not having to eat with one hand, etc. BUT- He is after all missing out on four days of her life and I feel lucky that I am not.

On another topic....

I went to my first new mommy class with Maya last week and it was a room full of moms and babies under a year old. The topic was babies and learning. I don't remember much about the lecture, but I did love meeting some new moms and going to lunch with them afterwards. They were really easy to talk with- and we talked about everything, from sex to tummy time. It felt great to have some other new moms to talk to, especially since as I mentioned, I have felt lonely. So this was definitely a step in the right direction for me.

In one hour and six minutes Maya will be 12 weeks old. 12 weeks. I gave birth 12 weeks ago. I don't want the time to move but at the same time i can't wait to see Maya growing and changing. She is already rolling to her side and pushing herself to roll over all the way. She is extremely alert and loves it when I carry her around in the streets of Manhattan. Today she made me follow a pigeon because she was so excited and fascinated by him. It is really too cute! She has a full head of black hair and everywhere I go I am stopped about her "gorgeous hairdo!". Maya is also so friendly and smiles at everyone; she is so expressive and happy. I just love her to pieces. She is SO loved.

On another note, I had some very light spotting on Saturday and Sunday. I am breastfeeding exclusively so I don' expect a period for a while. I went to the Dr. and everything looked fine, he said it's normal to spot once in a while especially when breastfeeding and told me there is no set rule about when the period will come. I just feel like my body is so different now. Physically I am on a mission to lose 20 pounds. But even more than that, it is weird not knowing when I'm ovulating, when my period will come, etc. I loved being in tune with my body and now I don't recognize it at all. I admit I am anxious to get my period because I want to know that my body is back and working properly. I want to know that I will ovulate again. Why? Because yes, in the back of my mind I think about number two and that fear of what if it doesn't happen? What if there's another miscarriage? That year and half of pain has left many scars I tell ya. I tell myself, it's early yet to be worrying. Let's give it a little more time to get back to myself.

So that's about it for now. On Thursday we head to Cape Cod. We were there the same week last year. How life has changed in a year. That's the thing about life; you never know what's around the corner.

Here's my Maya!

10 Weeks

Maya is 10 weeks today!

She is weighing about 11 pounds and measuring 23 inches! She was 7 lbs. 4 oz. and measured 19.5 inches when she was born. So she's a grow'in! : )

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Some thoughts right now in my head:

I am lonely.

As much as I love being a mother and a stay at home mom, it is an adjustment. I long for adult conversations. I have worked for many years and had one of those high-powered PR jobs where I traveled all the time, attended black-tie fundraisers, etc and now I wear sweatpants and tank tops and my hair is in a ponytail and I'm in flip flops everyday. Yes, it is an adjustment.... The lonely part is only a little hard. It doesn't consume me, but it is there. The good news is that now that Maya is a little bigger and she's gotten her vaccinations, I can venture out more into the world of "mommy and me" classes and new mommy luncheons I hear they have all over Manhattan.

My days consists of feedings, tummy time (she hates it!), and taking our 2 hour walks in the neighborhood or park, mixed in with lots of baby smiles and coos and storytelling and singing.

Some days we meet friends for lunch if they are off work or don't work. But otherwise, it can be very isolating on the days where we have no plans. Like tomorrow. What will we do tomorrow? Where will we walk to? The post office again? yay. :)

I'm not complaining! I love spending time with my baby and I do enjoy our days. It's the not having anyone to talk to all day that is the hard part....

I just need to find some new mommy friends and I know that will help a lot. It is by choice that I am staying home to raise her. I couldn't imagine it any other way. But like with any change, it takes time to get comfortable and I'm slowly getting there. It has only been 10 weeks after all, right? With every new job there is that 3 month probation period. So I think I'm doing pretty well and before I know it I won't be able to imagine any other way of life.

I know that I am very lucky to be in this position and watch Maya's personality change before my eyes. Everyday is a new expression, a new behavior (she just started sucking her fingers and entire hand too sometimes!) a new something or other and it's amazing. I think she knows who I am-- although she smiles at everyone, so I can't be sure. But I heard babies recognize voices so I'm hoping she knows me.

Regardless, I am her mother, and I feel like her mother especially when she's hungry and she looks at me with panting eyes, begging for food. And we walk over to our usual spot which she now knows, and she waits for me to unbuckle my nursing bra and her legs are flailing and she's panting some more, and then pop! She latches right on and her body relaxes and I watch her guzzle that milk, and she is happy and satisfied and nourished. I waited so long for this and there really is nothing I'd rather be doing....

Here's this week's fun photos! When I see this face, all that "lonely" talk goes out the window.

2 Months!

Maya is 2 months!

She is a happy, smiling, sweet baby, so alert and curious. When I speak to her she listens and coos and I swear she wants to talk back so badly, I can see it in her face. She loves it when we read to her, and when we carry her around the apartment, showing her photos and describing each one. She loves to have her hair washed; she puts her head back and closes her eyes, and just relaxes. It is adorable to watch.

Overall she really is a great baby; only cries when she's hungry and during tummy time when she gets so frustrated with having to lift her head....but we gotta do it! She is a light sleeper though and hasn't slept for more than 3 hour stretches at night. During the day she might sleep for 30 minutes here and there if we're lucky. But in the car, she will sleep the entire time and also when I push her in her stroller. Other than that, sleep has been the greatest challenge.

This week she is going for her 2 month checkup and vaccinations. I have to admit, I am nervous about the vaccinations-- the during part-- since I have heard babies will scream with pain and I don't know if I can handle that. The other part is the 48 hours afterwards and the risk of her getting a fever. I hope she doesn't even though I know it's normal to get a low grade fever. But I am nervous about it, so let's hope it doesn't happen. I kind of just want this week to be over with. It will be stressful.

I went to see the Sex in the City movie last night with a friend (Dave and his buddy babysat!) and as I sat enjoying the movie, I have to say I was thinking about my baby and her sweet face and I was missing her! It made me realize how much I just love love love this baby and I just want to protect her in any way I can. I guess this is what being a mother is all about.

Here's my girl!

Seeing the World for the First Time

We took Maya on her first picnic this past Sunday.

We put a blanket out on the grass and detached the bassinet part of her stroller and put it on the blanket so she could nap in it. We brought sandwiches, cookies, melon, chips and snacked away, while we sat under a huge beautiful tree, with the blue sky peeking its way through the leaves. It was the perfect setting....

The best part for me; holding Maya up and pointing out the leaves and the blue sky and introducing her to the "world". She looked everywhere, not knowing where to turn with her blue/green/gray eyes. Imagine seeing all of this for the first time? It made me appreciate the "world" I guess, and in that moment I was looking at the world through her eyes, and it was truly magnificent.

Here we are looking at eachother....