Words Not Necessary...

For My Own Memory...

My labor & delivery:

April 7th: One day overdue. Go to Dr. appt to be monitored. Dr. informs me I am having contractions every few minutes. She sends me to the hospital to be monitored more closely. No real pain, just pressure. At hospital still having contractions, Dr. tells me I am in very early labor and 2 cm dilated. He tells me to come back later that night to check in, plan on delivering next day.

I go home and a few hours later begin to feel period cramps. Call the Dr. He tells me to check into the hospital now!

Check into the hospital and get settled right in the birthing room. Still having period cramps and pressure. Dr. comes in and does vaginal exam, tells me no change, let nature take its course and we'll see how things progress in the am.

Dave and I say up most of the night, can't sleep, too nervous plus having mild cramps.

April 8th: Still no progress in the morning. Dr. breaks my water. Enjoy the warm gush of liquid (it was like a spa treatment!). Dr. administers petossin in my IV to get things going. Now starting to feel major pain, Dr. examines me and I have passed my mucus plug and have the bloody show. Dr. is pleased. Pain is getting more and more intense, and so I decide to have the epidural. Dr. is very patient and kind with the epidural, I was really nervous about it. Wasn't bad and best part -- no more pain!

Now in active labor for 4 hours. Napping mostly-- epidural is an amazing invention!

6pm: Now begin to feel the urge to push (like constipated type of feeling). I request to have a mirror in front of me so I can see everything (thought was this would motivate me to push more) Dave and nurse lift my legs up and Dr. stands in front of me. I begin to push and the pressure is CRAZY. After ten minutes of pushing, nurse says she can see the hair of the baby. I can now see it too in the mirror. I am shivering and then sweating. Nurse takes my temperature and sure enough I have a fever! Dr. reassures me it's just an infection from the vaginal exams and they administer antibiotics in my IV. I continue pushing. I can feel the head slowly pushing out of me-- then I see it in the mirror and it is unbelievable. I see a full head of black hair-- my baby! Dr. then tells me one more push and I push like I've never pushed and out comes the body and all the other "stuff"-- I can hear the gushing sound. David is watching it all in the mirror and is in disbelief. Baby arrives at 6:46pm.

They bring the baby over to me and I am in awe. She is staring up at me and I can't believe this is the person I have been carrying around inside of me. This is my little pal. She is beautiful and I am relieved that she is healthy. Dr. informs me she will have to go to the NICU because of my fever and to make sure she doesn't have an infection. I can still breastfeed her and hold her, but she can't sleep in my room. I am disappointed but I know it's for the best.

They take her away, and clean me up. I am feeling incredible. Full of energy. I can do anything. It is such a high, I don' know the words to explain it. It was beyond happiness... I did it. She is here. She is alive. She is healthy.

I go home 48 hrs later on Thursday April 10, 2008-- one week ago today.

That's my story. I miss those moments. I guess I just wanted to make sure I got it all down before I forgot the details.

One Week....

It's hard to believe that one week ago today I was pushing a human being out of my body.

Did I really do that?

I am still in somewhat of a daze; that combined with no sleep has left me feeling strange, I guess.



I am breastfeeding Maya every 3 hours and my nipples are completely bruised. It's now finally starting to get better but it still hurts. I have a doula who comes over a few times a week and helps me breastfeed, and gives me great tips to take care of Maya. I'm definitely glad I hired her.



Overall things are really good-- I have such an adorable baby girl that I just can't get enough of. She is so alert for a newborn, her eyes are wide and full of life and character and I just know she will be full of spice. I am excited to see what she will become, but I am also not rushing this time I have with her-- it is such a precious time.



I guess in the background somewhere in my heart I am also feeling sad. I know it's common to feel some depression after giving birth, but after my long and painful journey to get here, I never thought I would feel sad after receiving the greatest gift of my life. In fact, I think of myself as having no right to feel sad -- how dare I ? But I do. I think it's the nostalgia of being pregnant, awaiting this baby for so long, going through the most intense experience of a vaginal birth and now I'm home with my baby and I miss all of that. Isn't that weird? I always thought THIS is the part that would make me happy- and right now I am missing all the pre-birth stuff I was waiting for to be over.

I don't kn0w. I am sure it will pass and maybe once I start to get out more, take Maya for walks, get my old body back, I'll feel better. It's like I almost feel lonely. And maybe that's just the loneliness of Maya not being inside of me anymore and feeling an emptiness inside. I think I miss having her with me all the time.

I know, it's nuts.

I want to end this post with a positive note.


When I hold Maya close to me and I talk to her and she looks up at me with those eyes, I feel in my heart that we have known each other all our lives. She is familiar to me and the bond is strong. I love her and I will embrace her for who she is and who she will become. I am finally a mother and I need to remember how lucky I am.





Thank you G-d for this amazing gift...

Our Miracle Has Finally Arrived!

Introducing our beautiful baby GIRL

Maya Yehudit

Born on April 8, 2008 at 6:45 pm

7 pounds 4 oz.

19.5 inches

We are bursting with joy, gratitude, and so much unconditional love for this amazing gift.

Labor and deliver were just fine-- 40 minutes of pushing and out she came with eyes wide open staring at me as if we have known each other forever.

I am so thankful to all of you who helped me on this journey.

More to come soon!