Time

I want time to stand still!!!



I am going through some kind of sadness. It has to do with time and the fact that it keeps on moving.

Maya is now five and half months and has started eating solids AND I am weaning her off breast milk. I always thought I would breastfeed until she was 6 months old mainly because I want my period back. As I am no spring chicken and my history with conceiving has been far from reliable, we plan on trying again soon so getting flo would be a big help. Ugh.



But aside from that stuff, I am sad because even though it is my choice to stop breastfeeding her, emotionally, I am sad that we have reached the end of our final physical connection.

When I was pregnant and I would feel her movements, I was so happy. It was beyond anything I could have imagined. There was something so special about having her with me all the time, a bond I never felt before. And when I gave birth I felt depressed that she was no longer in me, there was an emptiness. And now as the next chapter of breastfeeding comes to an end, I am once again feeling a loss, an emptiness that we are growing farther apart. And it's hard. Logic tells me that of course I want her to grow and develop and be an individual. But my heart misses that physical bond we had that I can never get back.



I suppose this is all part of life.



I just wish we could freeze time for a bit so I would be able to savor this part of my life for just a little bit longer. Because the truth is, THIS has been the best part of my life so far and I don't want it to end.

5 Months!

Maya turned 5 months yesterday!



She is changing everyday from rolling over(from stomach to back), to getting her first tooth, to giggling and cackling like a chicken, to non-stop talking, to sitting up straight, to putting her entire foot in her mouth. She is adorable! I love that when she wakes up she doesn't cry but rather looks up at her mobile, wiggles her legs around, and makes cooing sounds. It makes me feel like she's happy and content and I love knowing that.



Today we are going to our first "Shape Up With Baby" class where we both get to do fun exercises together. I hope she likes it!



In other news I have had to add one bottle of formula to her breastfeeding diet because she hasn't been gaining enough weight. I knew she was still hungry after I breastfed her because I can't keep up with her demand for more- my body just wasn't making enough milk. So she hates the formula (it's hyper allergenic) but she manages to finish most of her 5 ounce bottle. I hope this helps. She gets weighed again next Wednesday. Her chunky legs look good to me so I'm trying not to get too worried.



I so wish time would stand still for me right now. Just for a little while. We are going to start trying again soon and I'm dreading it. I know we have to because I am 35 and I don't know how long it will take or what the journey will be like (i.e. another miscarriage). So I can't take anything for granted. I just hope and pray that it happens quickly this time without any complications along the way. I so want Maya to have a sibling.



But for now I am enjoying today and this time in my life. I hear people telling me all the time how quickly they grow up. So I'm soaking it all in, appreciating it all as it happens and like I said, taking none of this for granted. I feel very lucky.

Happy 5 month Maya Papaya!

We're Back! (and random updates...)

We just got back from our summer vacation in Quebec and Lake Placid. Both are such pretty locations. Quebec is full of charm, flowers EVERYWHERE and I love French, plus I had the best cantaloupe sorbet- yum! Lake Placid looks like a painting- the scenery is gorgeous, the lake is beautiful, tress reflecting off of it, and the air is clean and fresh. I did not want to come back to the hot, dirty streets of NYC. But alas....

Maya is a great traveller. She is very easygoing and loves people. We were stopped constantly by people cooing and smiling at her- she loved it and would giggle and squeal- that's her new thing. She squeals all the time, it's as if she's discovered her voice! Another new thing is she loves holding cell phones and TV remote controls. What's up with that? My husband thinks she has a future in technology. But she also absolutely loves to see any singing or dancing. At night sometimes to soothe her, we'll put on taped American Idol episodes and she just loves the music. Also my husband plays the piano, so every night they have their ritual of playing piano together.

On another and unexpected note, I have been approached by the museum I worked for to write a memoir of a Holocaust survivor. I am definitely honored and excited, it's just hard finding the time to work on this! My days are consumed with taking care of Maya and she's a light napper, so I don't really have chunks of time to write during the day. I was honest about this with them and they were fine. I'm going to try working on it at night when David comes home and see how it goes. I am officially starting today, but getting started is kind of making me a little nauseous, it's just so much! But I am determined. This reminds me of my college days when getting started on papers was the hardest part but then once I was over the hump, it was fine. So I just need to get through this part and I think the story will write itself. I'm psyched to get published though!

So back to Maya- she turns five months on Monday!! Where is the time going? I like it and hate it at the same time. I love watching her grow and develop, but I don't want her to grow up too fast! We start her on solids in two weeks! How is this possible when I feel like I just pushed her out of my hooha? It really feels like it was yesterday. Oh how I loved that day....

Anyhoo I better stop procrastinating and get to work. My once- a -week nanny is here so I better use my time wisely.

More soon! In the meantime here we are in Lake Placid..